Melting point
Week 5 was my
melting point. The physical training was becoming so intense and the harsh critic in my mind was so nervous
about posing and being on stage, that I broke down in tears on a number of occasions
over 3 days (at work, at the gym, in the car). I thought “what the hell am I
doing”? I started to lose faith in myself and wonder how fitness models and
bodybuilders could do this continuously.
“This hurts, I can’t do this, I can’t pose, will make a fool of myself
on stage against all the other beautiful girls, embarrass myself in front of family, disappoint my
coach”…. the mental chatter went on and on like a crazy bee buzzing around in a small jar. I lost belief and confidence
in myself.
I reached out
to my Ben and pretty much had verbal diahorrea..
boy did he cop an earful. Throughout a
number of leg exercises (which I feared the most), Ben said something which resonated
“I believe in you, even if you don’t”.
In my delicate state, I thought ok, maybe I am doing something right.
Lifted by Luke
Whilst Ben
was off preparing to get married to his gorgeous Ukrainian lady, I trained with
Luke, who took me through the next leg workout. Luke knew I was quite fragile
mentally at that point and what ensued what pivotal in my journey . For those
of you who don’t know Luke Tan, he is a phenomenal plant-based strength and conditioning
coach, who could give Anthony Robbins a run for his money. We started off with
a visualisation exercise where I closed my eyes and imagined myself on stage.
Luke read a number of positive “one-liner self-talks” I had pre-prepared
earlier, in relation to confidence, poise, grace, posing, etc. I visualised
what it would feel like to be at the competition, imagined what I would look like,
my posture, my confidence, visualised the judges and the audience excited and
impressed, hearing their cheers. I keep this list at home, at work and believe
it or not- stuck inside the passenger’s door of my car. I glance over it
periodically to re-affirm my beliefs and re-connect with the visualisation.
Luke picked me up when I was feeling low and lacking belief
in myself. He transformed my mindset and
even helped me increase the weights for squats, prowlers and leg extensions. I
did not feel it, my mind was so focused and I felt very proud of myself after
the session. There is a warrior within me and it's finally being unleashed! For the first time, I can truly say that I didn't
walk away from a leg session with anxiety, but rather a big smile and feeling a sense of accomplishment. So much so, that I actually
wrote some motivational quotes for myself “I enjoy training legs and with every
repetition, I know I am getting stronger and fitter”, “each squat is getting me
one step closer to strutting my shapely booty on stage”.
Kudos to stage performers
My session with Luke preceded some Buddhist Meditation workshops. Kudos to musicians, actors, models-
anyone who has the courage to be on stage! Never having competed in a fitness
competition before, I was extremely anxious about being on stage. Despite how
much I discussed this with my coach, practised posing, researched etc, I felt
overcome with nerves and fear. I decided to tap back into meditation to help me
through this. I found some excellent Buddhist Meditation classes in my local area.
One class was called ‘Overcoming Anxiety’, which taught me some simple
meditations to help keep a calm and flexible mind and the other was called
‘Self Esteem’, to overcome critical thoughts towards myself, develop a positive
self-view, inner confidence and self-acceptance.
Steps to overcoming anxiety
I’d
like to share the three main points covered in ‘Overcoming Anxiety’ as I am
sure you may find some (or all parts) of this useful. Anxiety seems to be
endemic is today’s society. The mind cannot hold happiness and anger/fear at
the same time. Negative emotions consume all the space and cloud judgement
through deluded and negative states of mind. Delusions completely filter the
way we see things, like looking in the those distorted mirrors at the circus,
when we know in fact, what we are viewing, isn’t reality. Buddhist philosophy
teaches us to maintain a flexible mind, which moves easily with the situations.
Visualise a willow tree, bending and stretching in the wind vs a dry, stringy
tree which snaps - it’s the same as our minds. If there is no remedy within our
control, then there is no point being unhappy or worrying. Another beautiful Buddhist
term I learnt was the notion of “inappropriate attention”. This is when we
replay something which bothered us over and over and perpetuates negative states
of mind.
So, what can we do about it?
1) Stop and name it (label the emotion).
2) Apply some wisdom, which resonates (e.g.
“I can feel this anxiety but I know it’s temporary, like a grey cloud passing
over me”. “It’s just an emotion, I can feel it, it’s uncomfortable but it’s
temporary”).
3) Breathe (follow your breath when you
feel the emotion pulling at you. You can do a quick meditation focusing on your
breath and you would look completely normal, no one has to know).
Destiny “shakin your
bon bons”
Being a huge Ricky Martin fan, I ventured solo over to Puerto Rico in December
2011 and Miami (where he currently lives), thinking I would “bump” into him.
What actually happened was, I met some amazing local Puerto Rican girls (Steffania
and Dimaris) on the first day, whilst lounging around on a sunbed in San Juan. It
felt like we had met before. We were inseparable for the next week. We spent
the days sunning, shopping and sightseeing and in the evenings we partied. One
afternoon we walked past a tattoo shop, checked out their collections inside
and came across a tattoo “Destiny”, written in Arabic. We looked at each other
instantaneously and needed no words to confirm this was the one we all wanted.
We all had it done on our left wrists. It felt like we all met for a reason. I
re-told this story to an Argentine in my hostel and he was so moved by it that
he went and got the same tattoo the following day but in Spanish (Destino),
which was what resonated for him. Hence when I look at my tattoo now, I have a
renewed sense of drive and it reaffirms my purpose. I have now learnt to enjoy
the journey; confident that I will do the very best I can and leave the rest up
to ‘destiny’.
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| "Destiny" in Puerto Rico. Image bottom right: Steffania in the centre and Dimaris on the right. |
Take aways:
I would like to share a collection of my favourite inspirational images,
which are plastered all over the walls at home and leave you with the following
two quotes:
1) “The
mind is the strongest tool we have to help us secure the riches within the
universe” Stephen Richards
2) “When you do what you fear the most, then you
can do anything” Stephen Richards
Like my page:
www.facebook.com/pages/Larissas-Fitness-Model-competition-journey/
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| My favourite, the infamous Brazilian booty. |
As
Snoop Doggy Dog’s catchy tune goes “drop it like it’s hot”, inversions such as
downward dog, shoulder stand, headstand and plow have a multitude of benefits
for the lymphatic, nervous and endocrine system. Inversions calm the mind and
body due to the simple fact that flipping upside down allows greater blood flow
to the brain, not to mention improving circulation. Gravity assists the lymphatic system remove toxins. Inversions
help to eliminate stress and re-awaken our senses, increasing concentration and
mental function. Emotionally, inversions can
balance mood and help to overcome fear or anxiety. 
